I am so tired! I have felt especially tired in the past few days. I am not currently working outside the home and I can set my own schedule. I can rise from bed when I want and go to bed late if I want. I usually watch a live-streamed morning Mass and then go about my day.
I have been following the proposed guidelines of social-distancing and mask-wearing and my outings are fairly scarce except to go for walks or an occasional bike ride. My “big” outings are going to the grocery store. I keep up with the news of the day and I work on my blog and other endeavors. I would say that my screen time has definitely increased since quarantine. Lately, my brain feels like mush! It’s not that I am not keeping my brain active–it’s probably been a little too active. Or, we just may feel like not doing anything.
Today’s reading from the Acts of the Apostles speaks of Apostle Paul’s time in a Philippian prison. I would say that we may feel like being in prison ourselves, whether it be in our homes or at work. We aren’t aloud to travel much, eat out at restaurants or go to the gym. We aren’t allowed to attend Mass or get our hair cut or send our children to school. Granted some of these outings were tasks that we needed to take care of but many were just activities that filled our daily lives and gave it meaning. The reality is that our world has changed and we may have not caught up to the fact as to how much. With this type of lifestyle, depression and/or acedia can set in.
Perhaps we are in a prison of “our own making.” During this pandemic, we are focusing on what we allow into our brains and into our lives. We have been able to do a lot of thinking! Sometimes our thoughts might turn in on ourselves. It is good to set sort of schedule along with frequent breaks. If your brain is just not working one day, it is OK to give yourself a break. There has been a lot to process.
Just yesterday, after watching the news, with parts of the country beginning to open and the number COVID-19 deaths declining, with some restaurants beginning to open and St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome celebrating their first public Mass, I felt a wave of what I thought was relief. I became emotional and started to cry. The Mass readings from the past few days have focused on the Acts of the Apostles and I got to visit some of the places that are referenced on a pilgrimage I took with some members of my parish a few years back. I was surprised by this reaction. I think I felt this relief with some trepidation because it is not over yet, nor do we really know if it will ever be “over”. Even if we do end up with a vaccine, we won’t be able to “go back.” The only way we can go is forward.
My guess is that we will probably look back at this time as a blessing and may even long for it again depending on our circumstances. I wish you health, happiness dear friends.