My Brain is Becoming a Prisoner

I am so tired! I have felt especially tired in the past few days. I am not currently working outside the home and I can set my own schedule. I can rise from bed when I want and go to bed late if I want. I usually watch a live-streamed morning Mass and then go about my day.

I have been following the proposed guidelines of social-distancing and mask-wearing and my outings are fairly scarce except to go for walks or an occasional bike ride. My “big” outings are going to the grocery store. I keep up with the news of the day and I work on my blog and other endeavors. I would say that my screen time has definitely increased since quarantine. Lately, my brain feels like mush! It’s not that I am not keeping my brain active–it’s probably been a little too active. Or, we just may feel like not doing anything.

Today’s reading from the Acts of the Apostles speaks of Apostle Paul’s time in a Philippian prison. I would say that we may feel like being in prison ourselves, whether it be in our homes or at work. We aren’t aloud to travel much, eat out at restaurants or go to the gym. We aren’t allowed to attend Mass or get our hair cut or send our children to school. Granted some of these outings were tasks that we needed to take care of but many were just activities that filled our daily lives and gave it meaning. The reality is that our world has changed and we may have not caught up to the fact as to how much. With this type of lifestyle, depression and/or acedia can set in.

An ancient rock-hewn prison
Philippian prison thought to be the one that Apostle Paul stayed in. Picture taken while on pilgrimage to Greece.

Perhaps we are in a prison of “our own making.” During this pandemic, we are focusing on what we allow into our brains and into our lives. We have been able to do a lot of thinking! Sometimes our thoughts might turn in on ourselves. It is good to set sort of schedule along with frequent breaks. If your brain is just not working one day, it is OK to give yourself a break. There has been a lot to process.

Just yesterday, after watching the news, with parts of the country beginning to open and the number COVID-19 deaths declining, with some restaurants beginning to open and St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome celebrating their first public Mass, I felt a wave of what I thought was relief. I became emotional and started to cry. The Mass readings from the past few days have focused on the Acts of the Apostles and I got to visit some of the places that are referenced on a pilgrimage I took with some members of my parish a few years back. I was surprised by this reaction. I think I felt this relief with some trepidation because it is not over yet, nor do we really know if it will ever be “over”. Even if we do end up with a vaccine, we won’t be able to “go back.” The only way we can go is forward.

My guess is that we will probably look back at this time as a blessing and may even long for it again depending on our circumstances. I wish you health, happiness dear friends.

Blessings friends,

2 thoughts on “My Brain is Becoming a Prisoner

  1. I know it is hard the uncertainty of it all. At times fear, at times so bored one can’t think, at times wondering if the word “normal” will ever return to our lives. The hardest for me of course has been the closing of the Churches and not receiving the Eucharist. But they are slowly opening and I finally got to go back, which was a different experience all together. I cried like a baby after receiving our Lord after so long. The one thing I have learned though, as long as I have Jesus I do have everything. Another is I will never take for granted again that Mass will always be there tomorrow. That was the lesson learned for me through all of this. If I could not go to Mass on Wednesday due to something coming up, it was okay as I could go on Thursday. Never again will I have those thoughts. I wish you health, peace and happiness as well. Good thought provoking post. God Bless, SR

    1. Thank you, SR for commenting. I know how you are feeling. I have many emotions surrounding this period of time we are living in. I am trying to find ways to adapt and I find great comfort in tuning into Mass. I know there are many electronic things competing for our time and I try to be mindful of that. For me, I like the still, small voice of God and seek him that way and in reading holy scripture and also in every-day-events. I believe he wants us to be strong. My mother has a saying, “You never know what life will bring.” I have been trying to practice the domestic church. I try to be upbeat for my family but some days, I do give in and let them know how I am really feeling. Thank you for your kind words. God bless you! I will pray for you. Mary

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