My Heart Is Heavy

There is so much heaviness in the world. It feels like the weight of the world on my shoulders. Of course, listening to the media does not help matters. It only illuminates frustration regarding Black Lives Matter and—the violence. I couldn’t take my eyes off the violence—acts of looting, burning and destroying of our prominent cities. The most gruesome act was the police officer; his face will forever be etched in my mind as he systematically blocked the air from George Floyd’s lungs. What happened and is happening is all wrapped up in the gruesomeness of our times.

I do not condone the violence, which from the reports is, resultant of American extremist groups. I do not condone the restructuring of our society to appease the groups who are trying to violently destroy it and shape it according to their errant views. We must work together as a society with those who are peacefully promoting change.

The coronavirus came and changed our lives, but nothing could have prepared us for the civil unrest we’ve been experiencing. I have always valued people on their merits, not their skin color. The values and morals that people hold are the fabric that unites this great country. But like all systems, sometimes they break down or fail to run efficiently; there is always room for improvement.

I am one that likes to dwell on things and the stress has taken a toll on me. Sometimes I wallow in despair. I view live-streamed Mass regularly. A friend messaged me her parish’s Mass and the priest’s recommendation was to get away from the news and all of our devices that project them for a week in order to gain some peace. I gave it a try.

The first couple of days were hard and I was fearful—not so much from giving up the devices and what I might be missing—but from letting the previous weeks compounded fear have an effect on me. When you view the violence it does create a fearfulness. I suppose you could just ignore it but that feels like I wouldn’t be informing myself completely as to the time we are currently living in.

Praying the rosary and other prayers has given me comfort. As one that likes to be in control, I pray for the things that I can control and the things that are beyond my control. That is the only way I can remain sane. I do gain a sense of peace knowing that God is the one who is ultimately in control and is guiding this ship we call the United States of America and the world.

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