Get Married, Settle Down, Raise a Family: The Truth About Modern Feminism and Happiness
Let’s examine the truth about modern feminism and how it relates to happiness. What we were raised to believe or are now adopting what is being popularized by modern media should make us take pause. Modern life and value systems are what could be the downfall of a happy life. The truth about modern feminism and happiness in a complicated world that is at odds with traditional value systems is, in my research, a way to elude happiness.
With the awful event of the assassination of Charlie Kirk, Christianity and women’s roles has been shoved to the forefront of volatile modern discourse. The violent act against Charlie, which many people celebrated!, has caused a collective looking inward at what motivates us, politically, economically and socially. Progressives think that Christianity is some oppressive force but can you honestly say that the world is better off without it? On the other hand, conservatives are asking where has America gone wrong? On social media there is a revival of interest in the Catholic Church by young people. It’s actually quite refreshing to see.
I was shocked to hear that Charlie Kirk had been assassinated. His videos would pop up on my social media feeds and I listened long enough to get what he was trying to express to those that were so hateful and often times belligerent toward him. To those spewing hate, Lord forgive them for they know not what they do. Many people thought Charlie was spewing hate, but he was mainly just a champion for the truth.
There are many hot topics that Erika Kirk, Charlie’s wife, addressed in her talk at her husband’s remembrance. She expressed many of the ideas that Charlie supported in his debates at college campuses with college students—get married, settle down, raise a family and live a joy-filled life. You can still be a strong woman if this is the course you take.
Since beginning writing on this blog post there have been at least three incidences of violence, the LDS attack in Grand Blanc Michigan, and a shooter on a boat in North Carolina plus many others. Radicalism is rearing its ugly head. I am going to go out on a limb and say that modern feminism is a spoke of radicalism.
I am not saying that it is bad to work outside the home, especially if you have a specific career like a doctor, nurse, lawyer or accountant, teacher, scientist, etc., where you need to keep up your certification. It’s not bad, but in some ways, it’s taxing. There are only so many hours in a day. If you don’t have to work, there is nothing wrong with staying home to care for the home and children. In my eyes, rearing children is all about quantity not necessarily “quality.”
A Little History on the Feminist Movement According to Crittenden
In the late nineties and early 2000’s I was in the throes of motherhood, stayed home to raise the children, attended play park and preschool, changed dirty diapers and supported my husband by cooking and cleaning while he worked hard to support our family. In a way, I felt lonely in the world, as a college educated woman, that didn’t work outside the home. But, I learned, there were others like me. I purchased a book (linked below) by Danielle Crittenden, What Our Mother’s Didn’t Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman
Many of Crittenden’s ideas resinated with me. The following are some of her ideas and research she conducted woven in with some of my thoughts on the subject.
Post war women worked at unsatisfying jobs and therefore, enjoyed staying home to raise the children in their beautiful suburban houses was common.
The feminism of the 70s challenged the traditional roles of women, arguing against the idea that women should only stay at home and be submissive. Supporters fought for women’s rights, not only looking for equal treatment in the workplace but also questioning the social norms that shaped women’s identities. This movement aimed to free women from oppressive systems, promoting the belief that women should have control over their lives, choices, and bodies. However, the strong language and confrontational approach sometimes led to the view that feminism was against men and traditional family structures, instead of being about respect, equality, and understanding between genders.
Some proffer that sexism played a significant part in the oppression of women. The influence of leftist ideas and Marxism emphasized that women were seen as oppressed by men within a capitalist framework and encourages women to avoid a victim mentality while acknowledging challenges related to motherhood, marriage, and systemic sexism. Overall, this view posits that women’s issues are often attributed to sexism and misogyny.
Does Radical Feminism Bring Happiness to the Modern Feminist Woman?
In some cases, modern feminism has, in some instances, morphed into radical feminism which has a reputation of hating men, hating sex, and being anti-mother, often leading to misunderstandings and stereotypes that overshadow its core principles. Social media is replete with many examples of this. It has even gone so far as to declare that men are women just because they don a dress, make-up and high-heeled shoes or win top awards in women’s sports. The latest example of men taking over women’s spaces are indicated by the UK Glamour magazine cover.
In this era of anti-free speech, anything you say that I can be offended by is actually an act of violence. What it does is denigrates actual violence. We have started to conflate these things with the result that the actual issues we have can not be addressed because we have created this whole perception of oppression that is not based on reality and acts of oppression which are not based on oppression. To top it off, political rhetoric is inviting violence, especially among conservatives. I fear it will eventually boil over to violent acts, which are becoming so prevalent.
The shooting of Renee Nicole Good has sent the left-leaning activists to boiling over. She seems to fit the stereotype of the modern radical feminist. She had a woman as a partner and was involved in activist groups. In my opinion, she put herself in harms way. What is a mother of three doing obstructing the work of ICE agents? The streets are a tricky thing out there these days.
Casual Sex With No Ties
In the third wave feminism idea, we tell young women that they can and should be like men. Birth control and abortion has allowed for sexual freedom and casual sex with no ties. Women forget that sexual relationships without commitment are damaging. Abortion hurts the mother (and father) as well as the developing human being.
Women’s sexual experiences and societal expectations are complex issues. Women often face physical and mental dissatisfaction, experience sexual encounters without emotional attachment, and express varying attitudes towards sex. Societal norms that allow for sexual activity without consequences or commitment, while noting that men often have specific expectations from women’s behavior, may not align with women’s interests.
The dating scene in today’s world is almost nonexistent. Women are coming to the realization that that is not the type of relationships they want. It’s why Gen Z’s are depressed. Feministic freedom becomes oppressive.
With the rise of computers and social media, pornography is normalized.
It is not uncommon, even at a young age to sexualize yourself online. Just look at the movies and TV shows aimed at young children. The hyper-sexualized culture is the new enslavement.
A New Relationship Horizon
Young people have lost the language of courtship. Crittenden suggests to let the man make the first move. Let men do the pursuing. The elimination of this dynamic tells women that they need to maintain the power. Since there is no pre-written “rule” the two sides do not know how to communicate.
Dating apps dehumanize and reduce dating to consumer culture akin to swiping based on gambling and slot machines creating a demand for variety and offer no meaningful relationship. It would be best to meet someone at church or a social group where you see the same person week after week.
Social media has affected girls. This kind of brand of modern feminism tells women they are empowered by sexualizing and objectifying themselves permanently becoming a victim of misogyny and they should see themselves through this lens at all times. It is so narrow-minded to believe this.
Keep Politics Out of the Bedroom
The personal should never be political. The personal is personal. Relationship should be based on mutual respect. If you love each other you want to please each other. Couples want to be happy together. They want to support each other in their hopes, dreams and aspirations. If they have children then they work out the best arrangement and not constantly bartering. Sometimes the “equality” illusion breeds contempt because the man feels nagged, etc. Relationships are based on a premise of good will, even if there are arguments on who does what.
What Will Be the Fate of Humanity
The future of humanity depends on men and women getting along. Humanity will not be able to exist otherwise. It also depends on an increased birth rate. Churches and schools are beginning to feel the pinch of declining birth rates.
Everything shouldn’t be a fight all the time. In romantic literature, the men respect the women. The best marriages are partnerships.
Couples need to evaluate their strengths. We need to live in truth—we are not equal. Men are good at lifting heavy stuff. Women nurse the baby, men do not. Biology, an exact science, is the destiny and women are not a lesser person because of it. The husband steps up when needed. There has to be a series of compromises and acknowledgement of reality and what you really want to do and not what you profess or what you think you ought to be doing.
The All-Menacing Biological Clock
Yes, the biological clock must be mentioned. Ambitious women have kids earlier. By the time the kids are grown and out of the house you’re still young enough to pursue your interests or a career. If you choose to delay childrearing, keep in mind you don’t really get going in your career until your 30’s and the decision for marriage and family keeps getting put off. Marriage and family are the most important relationships we will ever have. Jobs will come and go and careers are important but satisfactions in life are derived from your most intimate relationships.
Maybe Bringing Home the Bacon Is Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be
Women as well as men are not accepting adulthood. Women are waiting too long to get married and have children. Careers are viewed as the be all and end all. Nature designed the 20’s for young women physically and mentally.
Men have postponed adolescence. Men have the biological advantage over women. There are studies showing that male as older having children may have children with autism. Women get a false message that you have endless time. And that you want to wait until you get your career up and running. Now you are 30-35. Modern science has made it easier but there are more obstacles the later you push it away. Your sexual appeal wanes as you get older.
There is a current trend to re-evaluate the importance of being a homemaker. Even though Ballerina Farm’s blog is a curated social media vlog , there are many that are following in her footsteps and “homesteading” is on the rise.
Somewhere There Is A Disconnect
This culture thinks they have outsmarted nature. There is a natural pattern to life and when you defy it everything has its repercussions.
There is no argument for children in the modern woman’s eyes. Instagram is filled with single women “living their best life” traveling solo in a camper van or to exotic vacation destinations, all finely curated for social media to gain likes. They are creating the life they want. Woman are making their own money and making their own decisions. To them, men may just be looked at as someone to “take care of.”
Men will wake up to the realities of living as a bachelor. Many modern women don’t want to have kids and would rather end up alone, perhaps with a dog or cat and no conflict from a committed relationship. There is also the argument of affordability. Children are expensive. It’s all about priorities and possibly lowering life expectations. Perhaps, males will come to the realization that they don’t want to be an old dad without the energy to run after their young children. Crittenden notes that young people don’t have the sense of aging. They just bumble along in life without a goal to find someone. If you want a serious relationship you have to be serious-minded about it. Have a goal.
People have to take responsibility for their lives and their actions. The most empowering thing is when women look at themselves truthfully as flawed and look at men who are also flawed—can’t expect men to change.
In Married Life
Focus on romance and love and not goals in a relationship.
Men bring unique strengths as fathers as do women as mothers—different but complementary.
Grown kids become friends. Watching your grown children have children is one of the most satisfying things in life. We have lost the fabric that this is a natural part of life. It has become all choice oriented and indiviualized.
The modern world has given us a great basis for respect and understanding that male and female traits should oppress either side. Crittenden says men are not attracted to strong women. Stop pretending that we do.
Summary
I started this blog post last summer and life gets busy. Truth be told, I procrastinated. Crittenden’s views have resonated with me for a long time. I don’t mean to beat up on feminists but want to present another way of looking at happiness. I know and am friends with some lovely women who hold feminist viewpoints.
As a Catholic, we are to model our lives after the Holy Family. Not everyone is Catholic. Everyone has their own path.
Even though the blog post does not touch on how to be happy, it explores some of the reasons that one might be eluding a path to a happy life. I did not have a career and chose to stay home with the kids, which came with much sacrifice but also satisfaction and happiness that I was contributing to society by being available to my children. When they were older, I worked a school job so that I could be home with them. Teenagers need you too.
I would love to hear your viewpoints (hate excluded).
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Some of my material.
Finding Meaning in Life’s Challenges
In the wake of natural disasters like the LA wildfires, individuals often grapple with questions about life’s meaning. The article discusses the economic and social repercussions, emphasizing property damage, job losses, and mental health issues. It encourages reflection on values, resilience, community connection, and spiritual support to find purpose amidst adversity.
Joyful Dogs, Children, and Society’s Changing Dynamics
The author reflects on the joy dogs bring despite not personally desiring them. They question the societal trend of substituting children with pets and express concern over the prioritization of joy in politics. They share the lasting joy children bring and advocate for deeper reflection in a changing world. The piece embodies a contemplative perspective…
I would love to hear your thoughts. It gives me inspiration.